Philadelphia's Big Mess Orchestra (or should I say Big Mess Cabaret?) is presenting Die Heilige Kuh! Cabaret -- for their semi-annual Christmas show, this Friday and Saturday nights (December 20/21) at the Trocadero Theatre (a grand old burlesque house now remodeled for the rock kiddies).

I have been known to describe Big Mess as, "a mutinous high school orchestra that tossed their adult director overboard and sailed off to wander the seven seas of music," and I'm sticking with that story. Their activities go back to 1987 and they've been staging occasional cabaret evenings since 1991 -- a tipsy mixture of music, vaudeville and sundry other bits of onstage misbehaviour. The band backs a rotating cast of singers and performers with revisionist arrangements by ringleader and chief bottle-washer, Andy Bresnan. Visit their website for more history, photos, audio and video.

Andy provides this teaser for the weekend's show:

"Yes, all the usuals, including Greg Giovanni, Wendy Bell, Michael Dura (and his evil twin, Tom!), Mauri Walton, Santa and the hula-dancing fire-breathing elves, Nichole Canuso (Headlong/Moxie), Lee Etzold (Lucidity Suitcase), Dito van Reigersberg (Pig Iron), Myra Bazell (Scrap), Janette Hough (Trapezius), Butterfly Joe, Eden Daniels, Benny & the Vildechayas (featuring Haywood J'Blomi), the Big Mess Vaudevillians, Helen Back and the Str8 Razors, a special appearance by Jesus himself, and of course the 16 piece (!) orchestra with the vocal stylings of Two Janes with Two Dicks, hosted by Carlota Ttendant. We'll be doing songs by David Bowie, The Beatles, Praetorius, Black Sabbath, Donny and Marie, The Sonics, and that ubiquitous composer, Traditional."

Trocadero Theatre / 1003 Arch Street, Philadelphia, PA / Doors at 8:00pm / 21+ / $8 or $15 for tables ($10 or $20 day of show) / 215-922-LIVE or Ticketmaster.